Burden Down
by Kihin Ranno
Summary: If we are bound to forgive an enemy, we are not bound to trust him.


Burden Down  
Written for the Sailor Moon Monthly Fanfiction Challenge on LiveJournal  
March Challenge - Day Four: "If we are bound to forgive an enemy, we are not bound to trust him." -- Thomas Fuller  
1/1  
by Kihin Ranno

Venus stalked out of her office, wishing that there were not people around with eyes wide open for subjects to wag their tongues about so she could have kicked the door down or done something else childish and destructive to vent her frustration. She wasn't normally so inclined to be physical with her anger, but she was beginning to understand how it had always appealed to Jupiter. There was something intensely satisfying about throwing a punch or thirteen when one was in an exceptionally bad mood.

Heels clacking against marble floors, hair and hips swinging in frenzied time, Venus quickly made her way out of the castle through a door cloaked from view from the public and the majority of palace personnel. It led directly to the gardens, the part restricted from the public's eye to be exact. The flowers were the same, but it was quiet here. The Senshi and other members of the court often found themselves in the gardens in times when they needed to think, to be alone, to calm down and not blast someone's head off...

Venus was only marginally surprised to round a corner and find the leader of the Shitennou, Kunzite, pensively staring into the water of a fountain. She didn't announce her arrival, taking a moment to watch his concentration. She wondered if he was trying to make the water boil or make the fountain explode. Either way, she didn't doubt he'd accomplish it sooner or later.

"Bad day?" he asked, not looking at her.

She very much wanted to snap at him, but she stopped herself just before she spoke. After all, he hadn't actually done anything. It would be easy to place the blame on him, but it was unwarranted. Besides, while it was easy to assign blame, it wasn't easy to reconcile herself with it after he pointed out her flawed logic.

"Yes," she responded finally, sighing deeply and moving to stand beside him. She looked at him in a way she hoped was casual but still probing to have him turn to look at her. She didn't know why of course. Eye contact with Kunzite had a tendency to make her think, do, and say things she always regretted intensely later on.

Kunzite shifted a bit in a manner that betrayed the awkwardness of the situation. The awkwardness of every situation involving the two of them alone and having a conversation. They had once had a monosyllabic exchange for a full twenty minutes, not counting the uncomfortable silences. That had been in the beginning, but things hadn't gotten much better. When things did liven up, they were either arguing or one of them (usually her) was at least slightly intoxicated. Neither scenario ever ended well.

"You don't have to ask me to talk about it," Venus assured him, her eyes fluttering closed wearily. "I'll just find Artemis and bitch about it later."

Kunzite glanced at her out of his peripheral vision, his eyebrow furrowing. Venus quickly regretted her rough choice of words. It wasn't often she cursed, and when she did, it was quite telling. A moment later, he went back to looking at the fountain, casually mentioning, "Artemis left with Jupiter to go inspect the European continent for inhabitability, remember? They won't be back for weeks."

Venus frowned, having completely forgotten that tidbit. "It had slipped my mind."

A few more moments passed before he spoke again. "You could you know."

She quirked an eyebrow, turning to face him even if he refused to. "Could what?"

"Talk about it." She noticed how thin his lips were and found herself amused by how horrified he was by his own actions.

"To you?" Venus asked, trying not to giggle and insult him.

Kunzite shrugged. "If you want."

Venus considered this for a moment before sighing quietly, looking away from him once more. She walked forward, sitting on the edge of the fountain and dipping her fingers into the water. She rarely wore the gloves of her uniform in the summer, even during public appearances. The cool liquid swirling about her hand provided some comfort. "I suppose I should speak with you about it anyway. It concerns you."

A brief second passed before he spoke and she wondered if he was looking at her. Her stomach did a little flip at the thought. "It does?"

"Nothing you've done," she added hastily, wishing he hadn't seconds after the fact. She sighed and apologized. "I'm sorry, I'm being--"

"It's all right," he interrupted, and now she was certain that he had been looking at her and that he wasn't anymore. "What is this about?"

Venus paused, not saying a word for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts on the subject. Then she pulled her wet hand from the water, bringing it up to massage her throbbing temples. "It seems the backlash from your… reawakening had a bit of a delayed reaction."

A beat. "Oh."

"I suppose it has something to do with the recent youma sightings in the area," Venus pressed on. "They're suddenly afraid that you've turned on us again after all. They're calling for you to be watched or imprisoned or removed from the King and Queen's presence or stripped of your powers or some other nonsense. I don't know; I stopped paying attention.

"Never mind how completely foolish it is. We all know that you're good now. That you're not going to betray Endymion. Everyone should know that. They all saw you swore allegiance. I would have thought anyone who saw that would know that you could never turn on him again. It's ridiculous. You were forgiven. It shouldn't be an issue anymore."

Venus stopped, waiting for his response. When he did not immediately give it, she pressed on, busying her hands with the water, the grass, her hair, or the hem of her skirt. "Besides, it would be foolish of you to turn this early if it were true. You're smarter than that. You'd be more likely to lure us into a false sense of security, bide your time, and then murder us all in our sleep to prevent us from preventing you from ruling the world or sucking the world's energy dry or whatever else your motive is supposed to be. It's ridiculous," she repeated unnecessarily.

She hated that he wasn't responding, hated what he must be feeling in that moment. She didn't want to see the pain written on his face, but on the other hand, she knew she wouldn't be able to not look. So she sighed, turning her head quickly, starting, "Don't you think--"

Venus was startled by the fact that at some point Kunzite had bent down so that his head was on level with hers and much closer than she could ever remember it being when they were in their right minds. She yelped, instinctively pushing herself backwards in shock. This would have been made utterly mortifying should she have toppled back into the fountain, but Kunzite reached out, grabbing her shoulder and wrapping his other arm around the small of her back. He straightened as he pulled her towards him, resulting in their bodies perhaps a bit closer than he intended. She found herself blushing, longing to stay that way, desperate to move, and completely unable to decide for herself because he was much taller than she was and her feet were no longer on the ground. She wasn't fond of the loss of control.

"Sorry," she said quietly.

He was aware of the fact that he should have already let her go, and she knew that. She also knew that he didn't want to but needed to just like her. He probably wouldn't release her unless she asked him to, and she wasn't sure she could make her mouth cooperate in that manner.

"Minako," he murmured, using her true name for what was possibly the first time since he'd awakened. Not many people used it anymore and she had to think for a moment before she knew why she looked up.

They were finally looking at each other, and Venus was reminded of why this was always a bad idea. Something about his eyes made her brain stop. Her heart pounded in her chest, perhaps to make up for the loss of the other vital organ. She felt a kind of nauseous dizziness that she didn't want to stop, a warmth that could set her on fire, and a fear that reminded her while good could be bad.

"I knew they wouldn't trust us," he said, his voice rumbling deep within his chest. "Forgiveness and trust are something that your queen does not separate, but her people do." He reached up, brushing a bit of hair out of her eyes. "Just like her Senshi."

Venus felt her cheeks color in indignation. "That's not true--"

Kunzite chuckled. "If it weren't true we would have ended up in this position awhile ago."

Venus blushed and she very much wanted to slap herself for it. He wasn't supposed to make her do that anymore. Just like she wasn't supposed to feel this weak around him anymore. She wondered if anything would ever go according to plan.

"You don't have to be sorry about it," he said, speaking as if he had once been hurt but long since moved on. She doubted if this was truly the case. "You swore no oath to us. You don't owe us anything. Not your forgiveness, which you gave. And not your trust, which you are free to withhold."

"I trust--"

"Don't lie, Minako," he nearly scolded, using her name again. "You're better than that."

She swallowed. "I'm not lying."

He sighed. "You are. To yourself more than to me. But I expected no less from you."

"You don't know me!" Venus yelled now, placing her hands on his arms and preparing to push herself away. "Don't act as if you do!"

"But I do know you," he reminded her, neither tightening his grip nor relaxing it. She was free to move away from him if that's what she wanted. It was always that way. "Isn't that why you can't trust me to get too close?"

Kunzite waiting a moment before continuing. "None of you will. Not really. Excluding the King and Queen, the rest of you all keep your distance. I'm not sure if any of us have ever spoken to Mercury directly, Jupiter often seems like she's ready to snap our necks at a moment's misstep… I suppose I should be grateful that Mars is open with her hostility. And you'll prattle on incessantly or busy yourself with other things so you don't have to talk about anything real. If it gets heavy, if it gets substantive, then we mean something to you just like before. And then when we turn on you, because you are certain we'll turn on you again, it's going to hurt like before. And you don't want to hurt anymore."

"And who would?" she seethed, feeling tears pool in her eyes and silently hating herself for it. "Our memories of that time are clearer now. We… **I** know how much you meant to me. I know how much I loved you and how much that hurt and how much I kept going back for more. And I know how devastated I was when I saw you standing opposite me on that battlefield with dead eyes and a sword stained red with my people's blood. I know you were foolish then, and I know you had no choice the second time. And I do forgive you your stupidity, and I pity your ignorance."

"But you don't trust me," he finished, sounding a disappointed.

Venus laughed, assured of how pathetic she sounded when she laughed through her tears. "Did you ever think that maybe it's me I don't trust?"

Kunzite stared at her for a moment, apparently never considering this possibility. He continued to hold her in silence long enough for hummingbird's heart to beat once before he released her, nearly dropping her back to the ground with little ceremony. He opened his mouth, presumably to apologize, but she would have none of it. He already had her forgiveness.

"And you said I was self-centered," she joked, sniffling a bit. She looked up again, catching his eye. Thankfully, his gaze was unfocused, lacking its usual effect. "I would have let you kiss me you know."

"I do," he responded. "That's why I let you go."

Venus hesitated. "You don't trust yourself either, then."

"Around you?" he chuckled wryly, not without a bit of disgust with this knowledge. "No man with breath in his body should."

She looked at his face, lined with worry and frustration. She looked at his tense jaw, thin lips, and eyes that were emptied of all of his thoughts and emotions. This was especially good for displaying them would have meant the death of himself and all who looked upon him. She saw the slight stoop in his shoulders, the weight he carried, and the slight twitch in his otherwise graceful manner. There was always something slightly off, something not entirely right. Something itching, needing to be set free.

"Have you forgiven yourself, Kunzite?"

He did not answer her, and she wondered if he could.


End file.
